Several years ago, as I was scraping the ice off my car windshield, I vowed to move somewhere tropical, making it my Last Winter Ever. Well, I'd accomplished that. However, years later, a series of unfortunate events and decisions brought me right back here in Chicago, where despite its awful weather I'm determined to stay. So I have to come to terms with my climate.

As we all know, winter arrived today. Ever since it showed up, it's been tracking mud and water through my apartment, banging on the windows, and leaving the toilet seat up. Suddenly a simple grocery trip was beset by iced-over windshields, freezing puddles seeping through my shoes, and several near accidents on account of almost no visibility. Even the snow is a soul-chilling wet disgusting slush, not the good snow. It's not fun, folks. It's dirty and grimy and stings your face. Often it's yellow. Parents, your kids really shouldn't be playing in it.

Today starts my hibernation. I'm locking the doors and not coming out until some time in April. I'm staying far away from any snow, wind and cold. Anyone who needs me will have to find me online. Maybe I'll even pay someone to walk Oreo and towel him off thoroughly before he comes back inside. I'll worry about the whole "going to work" thing later.

I'll still blog, of course, but I think my journal will be pretty boring. It'll probably sound something like this:

10:27pm: There was a fly on the wall. I killed it.

10:53pm: Oreo thought he heard something outside. He barked really loud. When I looked out the window to see what it was, I noticed it was snowing again.

I shut the shades.

I hate snow.

listening to: ted leo.
in my sink: a frying pan, a bowl, a glass, 4 cups, 2 knives, 2 spoons, a grease trap.