When I looked over last week's website statistics, I was shocked to see so many visits on Tuesday. Then I remembered, that was when I wrote this post.

So there you have it. It worked.

Of course, it could just be that a huge amount of people just decided to start reading my website at coincidentally just the time I wrote that. I guess I should write a truly boring post to test it out.

Oh, look at that. I just did.

listening to: no well-known bands you'd know about or search for.
in my sink: 4 bowls, a fork, a spoon, a baking sheet, and a coffee mug. A plain coffee mug. There is absolutely nothing interesting about the coffee mug. Look away now. Stop reading.

Call this an experiment. No, I'm not changing this website's content or theme, but I've seen a couple articles about this new trend on the intarwebs, thanks to this Boing Boing post, and thought I'd um, ahem, mention it.

Apparently, just putting words like, oh say, "porn" or "bukkake" into your text will attract more readers to your site. It's no surprise that the most common internet searches are for porn-related words like "felatio" or "nude celebrities," or um, oh I don't know, "cunnilingus."

I refuse to put pornographic material such as "barely legal 18 year olds ready and willing" or "live web cam nudes" on this site. I won't even swear here, because kids can go look up my site in the Chicago Public Library for Pete's sake, and I'm still working in the education field after all. However, they can also probably find "Russian brides waiting for you" at the Chicago Public Library. (on their computers - they don't actually have Russians physically waiting in the libraries. I think. Maybe I haven't actually looked...) So I'm not against a healthy discussion on my site of the amount of sex already on the internet. I know, children shouldn't be subjected to terms like "male enhancement," and it's got to stop.

And have I mentioned the word "anal" yet? That gets searched often too. What? There's nothing wrong with the word anal. Some medicines are taken anally. While I'm at it, I suppose I should mention oral as well. You know, as in "it's healthy to have good oral hygiene."

Here's another popular word that I have to admit confuses me: "tater." I have no idea what this is supposed to mean sexually or why people would be interested in it, nor do I even want to find out, honestly. I mean really, the idea of some sort of sexual spud fetish disgusts me. I don't even want to have my dry cleaning starched now. It is a funny sounding word though: tater. Tater tater tater. What people do with their taters is their own business. I suppose.

The only thing that would make it easier for the middle-aged overweight dirty-minded men sitting in their underwear in the dark in front of their computer screens searching for "naked anime girls" would be to include a summary containing a few of the most popular keywords. Plus, I've run out of excuses to throw some of those words in a few more times. So to help everyone out, I would sum up this post as "Free nude magic Russian tater porn for you." Mmmm... Russian taters...

listening to: Bauhaus. And Lords of Acid and My Life with the Thrill Kill Cult, just to stick to the post's theme...
in my sink: 2 bowls, 2 cups, a glass, a wine glass, 3 spoons, a knife, a fork, and a spatula. and some naked anime girls. just to stick to the post's theme...

Lately Safari has not only become slow, it's become practically unusable. Sometimes it just stops responding altogether, and all I get is the stupid swirling beachball. (Mac users will know what I'm talking about; it's like the hourglass cursor in Windows.) I haven't ruled out the possibility of spyware or whatever, but really, I don't go to crap sites that would have that sort of stuff. Of course, one never knows, so whatever.

So I finally broke down and installed Firefox, and that pretty much solved everything. Even if a site seems to be unresponsive, I can still go to other sites in new windows and continue doing things elsewhere. Previously, this would have stalled Safari completely. Even better, rss feeds can be put directly into the Firefox bookmarks!

Here I thought Firefox was only the savior of Internet Explorer users. Who knew it was that much better than Safari too?

I just have one fear: what do I do when Firefox starts sucking?

Update: Apparently the answer to that question is immediately. This blog won't update from Firefox. At first I thought it was a maintenance issue from Blogger's end, but it updated perfectly from Safari. I just can't win.

listening to: [adult swim]
in my sink: a wine glass.

I've blogged about the Ponys before. In fact, I've blogged about their New Year's Eve show last month too, which is ironic since I couldn't even make it to that show. I had the tickets and was ready to go, but the arrival of 2005 found me in Glen Ellyn, so what are ya gonna do?

One person who was there, though, was Dan (the Fan). Everyone calls him Dan the Fan, I presume, because he's at just about every band's show. Some nights he's even at two or three. At the same time. How does he do it? I've made some plans to tag along with him on one of these time travelling adventures and I'll be sure to let you know, unless he makes me sign a non-disclosure agreement.

But I digress. (Me? Never.) Anyway, I vaguely remember Dan telling me about the merry-go-round pony he, um, "donated to" (read: chained to the bike rack in front of) the Empty Bottle that night. I made the solemn vow to take the three-block pilgrimage to see this object for myself, and promptly forgot about it. Well, today I just happen to be walking down Western Avenue, and what do I see?





(Say it with me in a "Cameron-from-Ferris-Beuller" voice:) Dan the Fan, you're my hero.

See all the pictures I took.

listening to: My "Four More Years" playlist. (The Clash, the Sex Pistols, the Replacements, Bob Marley. Yeah, it has a Ponys song on it too.)
in my sink: pawprints.

Yesterday I was talking to this guy. While I was listening, I noticed another guy staring at his pockets, and I followed his gaze. Hanging out of his pocket was a used condom.

So uh, what do you say in that situation?

listening to: The Dears
in my sink: Vegetables

What did I do last night?

I watched a guy make out with a pane of glass.



The Dollar Store was really hilarious and apparently getting popular. That, or Jonathan padded the audience with co-workers. Not sure which.

listening to: actually nothing.
in my sink: 2 bowls, a spoon and a knife.

Everyone else is doing it, so I figure I should point out the obvious and mention that 2005 is here, even if it is a little late. After my last post, I also feel I should post something more positive quickly.

So in the spirit of the new year, I'll join the masses and present you with my New Year's resolution:

GET A JOB.

For those of you who prefer your blogs and resolutions in list form, here it is again:

1. Get a job.

By the way, the title of this post comes from a line in the song "Pop Culture" by the Ponys, which can be found on the compilation CD Maybe Chicago. I had tickets to see them at the Empty Bottle New Year's Eve, which was probably an awesome show, but I gave them to a friend because I was in the suburbs that night. The Detholz! and Baby Teeth show at the Wheaton Grand was a great show, too, though, and I also got the chance to meet Forestdruid at his party afterwards. He introduced me to some potent beer that dragged me kicking and screaming into the next year in a traditional way.

Yes, kids, the Ponys have already summed up this year: "It's 2005 in my city tonight. Night after night, just tryin' to make myself right."

listening to: MY NEW IPOD, BI-ATCHES! (And it just picked a classical piece and chose to follow it with Prodigy. To quote the internets, wtf?)
in my sink: 2 spoons.

All of the rest and relaxation I accumulated during vacation was squashed in about the first hour of my not-so-triumphant return to work today.

I was sworn at by a seventh grader (This isn't bad in and of itself, just the tip of an already huge iceberg). I was ignored by the rest. There were no lesson plans, not that they'd have done them anyway. Then the parent of the swearing child accused me of lying.

Why the **** would I lie about that? Like I had to make up stories about that classroom and the kids in it. Like I wouldn't be leaving at the end of the day and making sure I never set foot there again.

In short, this was the Worst Day Ever. It's like I never even had a vacation.

listening to: PJ Harvey
in my sink: I don't know. I'm guessing dishes. When I try to look all I see is red.