Why am I just now finding out that Earwax Cafe delivers?!

The website's new too.

[Update: The delivery guy was on a bike. I felt obligated to double my tip for that. Maybe we should all wait until spring to take advantage of this?]

listening to: sleater-kinney, ladytron
in my sink: 4 coffee cups, 2 bowls, and a spoon.

When I became a teacher, I thought I had ditched corporate life for a higher goal and more rewarding work experience. What I found instead was that a school can be and feel just as corporate as any office. When I left teaching, I thought self-employment may be the answer, but from what I can gather, you need actual customers. They didn't really surface after I dredged many lakes. So I thought maybe the gutter was the only option left. I took some time to find the best ratty trenchcoat and cardboard home, bought a bottle of vodka in a brown paper bag, and set out staking my spot. As it turns out, I was wrong about that, too. You need permits and stuff. Who knew? So I went back to the classifieds, and found it wasn't so difficult as it seems if you just set your sights low.

That's right, after only twelve days of searching, I found a job. I didn't even have to call any offices, businesses or corporations. I didn't even get desperate enough to call a temp agency.

It may not seem like much, but it's actually going to pay the bills and leave me with enough time to pursue all these other side projects (see the rest of the website, otherwise known as "excuses to go out late at night") I've amassed during my vast unemployment. That and I'm seriously considering going to dog grooming school. Yes, they have a school for that. I was a bit surprised too.

Wow, this post is awful long just to say "I have a job again."

listening to: 75 minutes.
in my sink: a bunch of dishes and stuff.

Ah, the internet. What a fascinating place it is. I know I've said it before, but ten years ago did we really imagine it to be the teeming cesspool it's become?

I ran across this bold statement on a messageboard tonight: "I would love to someday be a secretary or a teacher."

Just let that sink in for a moment.

Okay, so, these two jobs are so incredibly different from each other, how could one aspire to be both of these simultaneously? Then again, I didn't realize that secretary was a job one would ever aspire to. And get in the twenty-first century, lady. It's administrative assistant now.

Now, teaching is a position I respect and admire, and I speak from experience. As someone who just couldn't cut it in the education field, I'm here to tell you it's no small task. I doubt someone who lumps the profession in with that of secretary is going to cut it either. Hey, I could be wrong. I don't know this person. However, why do I think she's going to realize her dream of being secretary one day?

listening to: blur
in my sink: a pot, a lid, a cup, a fork, a knife, a spoon.

This was originally written by me on August 7, 2000. I thought it was quite appropriate today.

People Suck. I mean everyone. The guy in front of me on the road this morning, who drove consistently ten miles under the speed limit, sucks. The company that thinks it can charge me five times for the same service, just by giving it five different names or categories, sucks. The lady who calls me in the middle of dinner, just to sell me some service I don't need or want, yes, you guessed it, she sucks too. Don't give that bit about how she's just an employee and just doing her job. She applied for that job. She accepted that job. She knew what it was. And for that, she sucks. Oh, but wait. There's a couple more things to consider.

You suck. That's right. You don't expect me to leave you out of this, do you? When I say everyone, I mean everyone. You are not special. Someone somewhere right now is complaining to someone else about how much you suck. I mean you're not completely nice all the time, are you? You would have to have the patience of a saint. You suck even when you don't realize it. Did you notice the guy in a hurry behind you on the road this morning? Well THAT WAS ME.

I suck. Oh, don't think I'm on some hobby horse or soap box here. I suffer no egotistical delusions that I am exempt from anything I say here. In fact, I'm worse than anyone I've mentioned so far, even you. If I tried to be nice, people would still act towards me in a way that sucks. So why even bother? Yes. You got it. Hope you're not on the same road as I am.

Accepting this as a given has actually made my life much easier. For now, as long as people continue to suck, they are doing exactly what I expect them to do. Yes, now I can drive on happily as the guy in front of me cuts me off and causes me to miss my turn, for I would expect him to do no less. I am in absolute bliss when the receptionist puts me on hold for thirty-eight minutes. I sigh in contentment when I find out accounting has neglected to write my paycheck. I can bask in the certainty that the Grand Order of Things has not been disrupted: people still suck. If someone were to actually be nice, there would be something seriously wrong in the world.

Face it, you don't want a world where people don't suck. You would have to be happy all day. You may even be expected to smile at people when you passed by. You may even whistle happy tunes. Disney would be your favorite movies. Where would the cynicism be? Who would we make fun of? WHAT WOULD WE HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT?

listening to: pj harvey
in my sink: a plate, a bowl, two spoons, a fork, a pot, a lid, a colander

My license plate expired today. I renewed it online, but the sticker hasn't arrived in the mail today. No problem, I can just put my dated receipt in my car window.

Then it had to snow last night and cover my car windows, and I was ticketed anyway.

Darn straight I contested it.

Merry ****ing Christmas. Happy ****ing holidays.

listening to: Tankboy's mix (scroll down to the "cool or fool" link)
in my sink: a bowl, a plate, 3 spoons, a fork, a knife, a glass, a cup, and a pot w/ lid.