Millennium

I don't know how the story ends this time.

They tell me
I almost reached the sun
Before my flame burned out.

They tell me
I came so close it burned poetry in my soul

I stared into the prize before I went astray
But that was not where salvation lay

How was I to know?

And so we enter a millennium of pain, a millennium of joys, a thousand-year battle over all the toys

This is the last in a series of random burns on dead trees, chaotic cryptic ramblings of a troubled mind, a trilogy of madness, something different. Nothing new.
The expectation of a conclusion.
But I don't know how it ends.

I met the Beast.
I fought the Beast.
I was the Beast.

I was the Phantasm, I was a failure
I was a force in my eyes alone.

I tried to reach the sun.
I thought I was the sun.

The All-consuming Fire
Licked my fallen spirit.

I stated my case before the All, the ebb and flow of chaos were still within my soul, the All-consuming Fire burns within me still. I exploded into colors. I fell into eternity.

And so we enter a millennium of pain, a millennium of joys, a thousand-year battle over all the toys,
Everything. The Beginning. The End.
Only all that ever was.

I'm sent back into battle.
I'm sent back to the Beast.

I still hear the voices screaming
From a hundred thousand blows
I still see the teardrops forming
In the darkened hateful eyes
I still feel the bloodsweat sting
Pouring out as in a mist
I remember the fall.

I'm sent back into battle.
I'm sent back to the Beast.

I still hear the sullen hissing
Of stagnant static steam
I still see through bloody haze
Of a hundred empty deaths
I still feel the acid burn
Pouring through my weary soul
I still feel the lazy wind
That blew the candle out.

I'm sent back into battle
I'm sent back to defeat.

I pushed to the extreme.
I exceeded my limits.
I went beyond the bounds.

I tried to reach the sun.
I thought I was the sun.
All suns are destined to fade.

Dropping like a stage curtain
Covering all in darkness
I still see the night

For every night a new day dawns.

For every mountain crossed a new one looms beyond.

Everything. The beginning. The end.

I remember

There are many stars in the sky
What makes you think they will ever see you?

I remember
I knew the Beast like I knew myself

And with every sullen memory the anger boils inside, with every sordid vision the battle starts anew, the Beast had never left for It was never satisfied, I remember the Beast for the Beast does not forget. The hatred burns within, uncovering every sin, nailing to the wood all the pain I have withstood and holding up in victory my lost and broken pride.

I look inside myself -
I see the future.
Hiding in the darkness of basement memories
Wandering the catacombs of eventuality.
Waiting for the next time.
Waiting for the battle.
Waiting for me.

I have played and I had lost.

I see Its eyes' red glow in the darkness down below
I stand and wait in resolved fear, the time has come, the time is near, I'm trapped within a basement that I had dreamed before, the pattern re-emerges, spirals to the core. Now there is no Phantasm, now there is no fire, now no more delusion that I am something more. I am only you, you are only me, and the Beast within us all for all of us to see.

I spent a lifetime finding who I am.

I wasted a lifetime chasing a lie.

I have known the sin of pride
I found out what it means to be wrong.

I was the phantasm - I was found out
I was a pawn in the Devil's game

I was a phantasm - I was psychotic
I was a sheep in wolf's clothing

I tried to reach the sun. I thought I was the sun.

But light did not shine through me, the darkness closed in on me, I cowered in a basement, I cowered in a lie. The world it kept on turning even after I had stopped, my eyes they kept on yearning even after All had left.

Do not put your faith in me

I will play and I will lose.

And so we enter a millennium of pain, a millennium of joys, a thousand-year battle over all the toys, and this time I want out.

They tell me I almost made it.
But that is not where salvation lies.
They tell me
But that is only talk.
The final moment was irrelevant.

And every mountain crossed reveals more beyond.
I will meet the Beast again, forever and beyond.
Take this cup from me.

I'm telling you now
I can see the storm
Coming toward me through a mist
Covering all of a past life in a grey and dusty sweat
I can see the storm
Coming toward me through a life
Pouring all of this story into fragments of lies
I stand and wait for the rain to fall.

I don't even know how the story ends this time.

All that I know comes to me in dreams
Disjointed nightmares of prophecies of fate
All that I know comes apart at the seams

This is where the meaning ends, this is where the story fails.

I don't know the ending.

This is where I stop
For all poets must stop somewhere.
You may continue if you want.