The day started as any ordinary day would. After listening to Tab's alarms go off eight times, Jon finally got up at 8:01am. His feet hit the ground with a loud "thud" as he jumped off his upper bunk. Groggily, he searched for his towel and his basket o' toiletries and turned to leave the room. Closing the door behind him, he failed to notice the fish swimming past his window outside.
Carr 3 seemed oddly empty to Jon this morning. That was okay, though, and Jon felt more secure after washing his hair with his scented shampoo. The water pressure also seemed to be a little low to Jon, but then again, that was the dorm for you. He toweled off and headed out of the shower, followed by bluebirds. But they weren't just any bluebirds -- they were bluebirds of happiness, though why they were following Jon no one could know. Jon passed an overturned turtle on the way to his room. It looked up at him with huge, sad eyes, as if pleading for help. Jon thought that was a little weird. I mean, the eyes looked drawn on, even animated. And what was a turtle doing in the hall anyway? Jon bent down and turned the turtle over to send him on his merry way. There was still no one else around.
By 8:35, Jon was dressed and late, so he decided to take his books and coat to breakfast. He looked outside, to make sure the Quad buses were running. They were, but they were pink and the words "peace train" were painted on them. What's more, there were eight of them all lined up next to the sidewalk.
"Well, I'll get to class on time, but I'm not quite sure of my state of mind when I'm there."
One of Tab's alarms went off again. Jon turned away from the window to turn the alarm off. A big, blue shark wearing a top hat and a huge grin floated past the window. Jon wondered where Tab was.
Jon wandered off down the hall, which by the way, was amazingly and brightly magenta. Bright magenta is not an easy color to accomplish, but this hallway did an incredibly remarkable job. He walked down to the cafeteria. A toaster processed his identification at the door before he walked in. Behind the counter, Chester Cheeta was flipping goldfish on the grill and smiling at Jon with his big, toothy smile.
"Uh, what's for breakfast?" Jon asked nervously.
"The London Philharmonic Orchestra!" Chester exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear, in fact, with a grin that went beyond each ear. Just at that moment, Jon could hear Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 strike up from the eating area.
"Do you have any cereal?"
Chester shot him an enquiring look. "What? Man, the whole scene is surreal!"
Jon groaned. "I think I'll skip breakfast today." He turned and headed for the door. "What I wouldn't give for some orange juice," he muttered once he was outside the cafeteria. At that moment, a glass of orange juice appeared floating in the air beside him. Of course he didn't notice it, and it went crashing to the floor as he kept walking. It was 8:43 as Jon walked out of the building toward the bus stops. He noticed the air had a rather liquid quality to it. The buildings were all smiling and swaying back and forth, while humming softly. The birds seemed happy. Even the wind seemed happy. Everything seemed... happy.
"Jon? Jon?" Pete shook the sleeping figure in the bed.
"It's no use, we've been trying to wake him for a half an hour," Tab insisted.
"What's wrong with him?"
Tab pointed to a half a pizza sitting on the floor next to Jon's bed. "I don't know; he was eating this pizza last night, and then he just fell asleep. He hasn't waken up since."
"Hmm. Odd," Pete mused. "Mike, take this pizza over to the lab and analyze it." He turned back to Jon. "Jon, hey, Jon?"
Jon turned around when he heard Pete calling him. "Pete, is that you? Where are you?"
"I'm right here, Jon." Pete's shimmering form appeared floating right in front of him.
"Pete! Why are you shimmering?"
"Never mind that, how do you feel?"
"I feel fine. The rest of the world could use a tune-up, though."
A small bird walked up to his feet, looked up and exclaimed, "speak for yourself, pal."
"Look, Jon, you had some bad pizza. Just relax, sit still, and we'll get help."
"Sit still? I've gotta go to class! I'm not gonna let a little pizza incapacitate me!"
Pete's form started to stabilize and sink to the ground. "Hey, this place is pretty cool. Oh, wow, let's check out the tennis courts! Look! Happy buildings!"
One of the bluebirds of happiness fluttered by and landed on Jon's shoulder. Jon brushed it off angrily and shouted, "get off me!" Turning to Pete, he said, "you do what you want, I'm going to class." The bird splattered onto the ground, turning into paint and quickly spreading across the whole sidewalk.
"Are you kidding? Go to class at a time like this? Besides, won't the classroom be just as nutty as this?"
The sidewalk was blue down the entire block now, and continuing into the streets. Jon thought for a moment, then conceded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But I still think we should at least go to the Quad. What else have we got to do?"
All the streets were blue. A family of buffalo with moustaches floated past in a rowboat singing "Moon River." The Quad buses turned into gondolas. Pink gondolas. With "peace train" painted on them.
"Okay," Pete agreed, "but let's not take the Quad bus. The driver looks a little smashed."
The driver was, indeed, lying in pieces on his seat. Jon agreed. They set off. It was 8:49.
"Pete? Pete? Pete!"
Pete jumped back to full alertness. "Huh? Wha? Oh, hi."
"Did Mike call with the results from the pizza tests?"
"Uh, no, how's Jon?"
"He's still out. Are you feeling okay?"
Pete gave a glossy look over to Tab. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just gonna... lie down for a while." With that, he wandered off dazedly in the direction of a couch.
The Quad was, well, schizophrenic. That is, there were four of them, and they all had themes. Jon and Pete were currently exploring FrontierQuad. Jon was freaking.
"This is all too weird!" he yelled, pulling hair right out of his forehead from the roots. "I can't stand it! Pete, how do we get out of here? Pete?"
Pete was staring ahead blankly.
"Pete! Aw, now don't you go all weird on me too! Wait a minute, what am I saying, this is you I'm talking about!"
"Huh? What? Oh, sorry, John, I was somewhere else for a second."
"How could you lose your attention in a place like this? I mean, as soon as you stop paying attention, a duck comes up and hands you a cigar!"
A voice came from behind him. "Quack?"
"What??!" Jon turned around. Standing there was a duck with a small neatly trimmed moustache and big bushy eyebrows. He handed Jon a cigar, raised his eyebrows up and down, said "here you go," and quickly disappeared.
"Whaaa?" Jon sputtered, "d-did you see that?"
"Man, the copyright hassles alone for this story are gonna be ridiculous," Pete mused.
"Where are we?"
Pete adopted a very thoughtful look. Unfortunately, the look ran away and the adoption agency had to give it to other foster parents. He tried a pensive look instead. "From what I can gather, I'd say we've tapped into a world somewhere inside your subconscious mind."
"My subconscious mind! How?"
"Well, this is gonna sound ridiculous..."
"Who cares," Jon yelled, "just tell me!"
"Pizza."
"Pizza?"
"With mushrooms."
"We've tapped into my subconscious mind through pizza?"
"Hey, don't forget," Pete said excitedly, "we have to ride the Union Coaster. That thing looks tall crunchy!"
"What's the point? What are we doing here? Don't you see; we have to get out of here!"
"What do you mean? But we haven't been to FutureQuad yet."
Jon would have replied, but at that moment their conversation was cut off by a thundering herd of cantaloupes. No, not antelopes, cantaloupes. Jon was getting worried. Far off, in the distance, he could clearly read the sign at another entrance: "GrimQuad."
Marc put the phone down. "That was Mike. He says he analyzed the pizza, and thinks the effects should wear off within 24 hours, which leaves us a couple more hours."
"Great," Tab breathed with relief. "Where's Pete?"
"Still asleep."
"Odd. He didn't have any pizza..."
The Union Coaster wasn't all it was made up to be. Well, sure, it was a devastating ride through Jon's childhood, but let's face it, Pete never really was interested in Jon's childhood, and Jon didn't want to go through it again, even at high speeds and dizzying heights. The puberty up- side-down loop was enough to make both of them throw up. Jon was frantic when they came off the ride. "How do I get out of here," he raved. "I wish I could wake up! How do I wake up?"
Pete tried to calm him. "Hey, relax, I mean, not everyone gets to live their childhood over a second time. And in under an hour, too."
"I know. I have to get rid of the pizza. I have to throw it up!"
Pete grimaced. "Aw, come on, that's sick. Besides, how're you gonna do that? You're asleep."
Jon hit his stomach, gagged, and a whole, untouched pizza slice fell out of his mouth.
Pete became ecstatic. "Wow, neat! Do that again!"
"Aw, it didn't work. Oh, man, what am I gonna do?"
Pete tried to hit his stomach and gag out a pizza. Nothing happened. "I knew I shoulda had something for lunch."
"Come on, Pete, help me out here," Jon whined.
Pete pointed to the pizza slice. "Uh, do you, um, think that's safe to eat?"
A frog hopped up to the two of them, holding a tray that was easily ten times its size. It looked up at them and croaked, "sausage log?" Pete took several.
A sound caught Jon's ear from far in the distance. It was a song. Jon strained and could barely make out the words -- "It's a world of physics, a world of math, it's a world of anger, a world of wrath, it's that feeling of despair when you run out of underwear, it's a grim world after all..."
"Pete, I don't like this anymore."
"What do you mean? You haven't liked this from the beginning. Hey look, we can't turn back. They're rolling out the - blonde carpet?"
Jon looked at the carpet that was rolled out before them and gasped in shock. "That's my hair!"
Pete turned the end over and checked the label. "Huh. Hand sewn from every hair follicle that Jon has pulled out in frustration."
"Where do you think it leads?"
Pete shrugged. "I dunno. Let's find out."
It led them into a rather narrow hallway. As soon as they entered it, a door slammed shut behind them. From up ahead, the sound of maniacal laughter could be heard.
"Pete?"
"Don't look at me."
The song kicked in again, much louder this time -- "It's a world of problems that make you shout, it's a world of girlfriends that don't work out, it's a Friday afternoon that Physics has to ruin, it's a grim world after all..."
Up ahead, at the end of the carpet, stood the sign Jon saw before: "GrimQuad."
"NOOOOO!" Jon cried. His world swam before him; he felt faint and dizzy.
"Jon, Jon, it's okay. Don't worry." As Pete said this, a mysterious force pushed them closer to the gate. An engineering professor was waiting to take their ticket, or give them one if they didn't have one.
Jon fought down the urge to panic. His legs became like rubber and everything grew blurry. Jon cried out as he lost consciousness, "No! No! I don't wanna go! Help me! Get me outta here!"
"Hey, he's waking up!"
Tab shook him. "Jon? Jon? Calm down, man, it's okay."
"No!" Jon moaned. "No! I don't wanna go! Help me! Get me outta here!"
"What the heck is he talking about?"
Jon slowly opened his eyes, saw where he was, and released himself from the fetal position. He looked at Tab and Marc confusedly. "What happened?"
"You ate some bad pizza."
"Then it was all a dream?"
"Er, what was?"
"Nothing, never mind. Where's Pete?"
"He's been asleep for a while too."
"He ate the pizza too?"
"Well, no, we don't really understand it..."
Pete never woke up that day; he just lay asleep on the couch in the lounge. Eventually, and reluctantly, Jon went to sleep that night, and dreamed. He dreamed of Cindy Crawford and, oddly enough, pink buses. He dreamed of meeting Cindy Crawford on a pink bus to Memphis. Why Memphis, he didn't know. He didn't care. The bus stopped to allow more passengers. Cindy was just about to offer Jon a Hostess twinkie when a tired and ragged Pete jumped aboard and sat across from them.
"Jon! Hey, I'm glad to see you."
"Pete? What are you doing here?"
"I've been through GrimQuad. Things got pretty hairy after you left."
"Get out of my dream!"
"It was horrible. I've seen every grim thought you have."
"You've seen... every -- Get out of my mind!"
"Are you kidding? There's too much here. Besides, I don't know how."
"Are you gonna be in every dream I have?"
"I dunno. I'm gonna check out FutureQuad next, you wanna join me?"
Jon moaned. "This oughta be interesting..."